Giving Back

Anca Merrill

Contributor

I was born in a Hungarian village in Romania with no indoor plumbing. At the age of three I lost a very special person in my life - my mother. The first memories I have of my mother are when she was holding on me and loving on me. 

My second memory was when I was sitting outside on a bench on my grandma’s lap and all these people dressed in black with flowers in their hands were walking and kissing my mother. My first thought was Why is she not getting up? But as I was looking into their faces I could see that something bad had happened. 

On that day I didn’t just lose my mother, I lost my father. He didn’t know how to deal with the pain and he started to drink. 

He wasn’t much help in the home because he was always drunk. 

He didn’t take care of us and so my grandma had to move in and help. She became like a mother to me. 

This all happened during the communist period in Romania. It was an economic challenge. Everything that you made or produced, the government took over. I remember getting up at 4:00 in the morning to stand in these long lines just to get a half loaf of bread and milk. They barely had any food in the store. Because I was born in the village, we pretty much worked the land to survive and hide food.

When I was about eleven my grandma got really sick and died. That was really devastating for me. I had no hope and I was so upset with God and I wondered why he would take away someone so dear to my heart.

Because of my father’s drinking, he decided to put me and my brother in an orphanage. That was very hard.

I still remember the first day that I was walking toward the orphanage and I saw all these kids with short hair. They were all dressed the same. I thought they all looked like boys. Then a staff member walked into the room and the first thing she said was that I needed to change my clothes. So she gave me all these clothes and I changed and then she put a number on my clothes. I thought, Wow everybody’s numbered over here. It was like a refugee camp. 

Then she brought me upstairs into the sleeping room and there were about 20 beds. There were all these kids fighting and screaming and I thought, I can’t live here. I have to run away. 

That weekend my father came to pick me up. I had a talk with him and I told him that if he wasn’t planning on taking me out of here I promised I’ll kill myself because I could not live in such a place. He told me that if I could last for the school semester he would take me out of there after it was over. 

The same year, communism fell and lots of missionaries started coming into our orphanage and started sharing the gospel with us. There was this particular person who came and started investing into my life and starting loving on me and caring for me. I started having hope that I never had before in the orphanage. When this sponsor became part of my life I realized there is still hope and God still has plans for me. 

That same year I went home one weekend to visit my family. My dad actually got murdered that night. He was out drinking and the next day he was found dead. They think he got robbed and was locked in a room and someone found him there. Still nobody knows who killed him. Even though he didn’t care for us he was still my dad and I loved him. 

When I was back at the orphanage I started talking and getting to know the sponsors more. As I got older and was leaving the orphanage as an adult, they helped me get my feet on the ground. 

A friend of mine had opened up a home for girls. When the girls turned 18 they got kicked out of the orphanage. At that time Child Protection was not really involved in helping. They really had no place to go. I really enjoyed working with these girls. At one point we had about 25 girls in our home in two rooms. But I really loved doing it. I thought that if I had the chance, I’d love to start a home like that. But I also wanted to study more and further my education. 

So in 2004 I went to study in the States. The sponsors who had helped me as a child worked to get me to the United States where I started a degree in Social Work.

But I continued to help the girls back in Romania. The lady who had started the home passed away. She was so sick that she gave her ministry away to someone else. The girls had no place to go. I continued to support them and send them some money to survive. 

I met my husband who was a doctor in the States. We got married and had a son. After I got my citizenship and all the paperwork done we both decided to come to Romania and help others as I had been helped. 

At first I didn’t want to come back. I was comfortable where I was in the States. It took me a while to get decide to return. 

“My husband would always remind me that we have to fight. It’s the life of these kids that’s at stake. ”

We came to Romania and I started volunteering at an orphanage where I met this little boy. His name was Alin. He was this special boy and I felt that God wanted me to do something for him.

We started the process to get him into our home. It’s hard working with the system here. There’s still a communist mentality. The process is very slow. It feels like everyone is working against you. I just got so disappointed that I figured there was no point. There is so much bureaucracy and corruption with the Child Protection service. They are nice to your face but when you turn they stab you in the back. 

My husband would always remind me that we have to fight. It’s the life of these kids that’s at stake. We had to keep pushing. It was a hard process. 

After a long battle, Alin finally joined our family. 

We started loving on him and he loved on us and started calling us mom and dad. 

We started to learn all kinds of stories of Alin. We realized that he had fifteen siblings and his mom was a prostitute. She used to use her kids for begging, stealing, digging in the trash, and abusing them. Alin was abused by his father. He had some struggles when he first arrived and it was pretty hard, but with the love he received in our home he was able to overcome that. He is very dear to our hearts. 

We continued visiting the orphanages and God opened a door for us that allowed us to purchase a home for more children. 

When we approached Child Protection with our plan they gave us a list of about 26 kids at this orphanage that could benefit from our home. But at the time we only had space for 6. I didn’t know how to pick and choose. I asked which children were being visited by any of their relatives. I decided to take them off our list since they had some family that could support them. 

We eventually ended up with eleven more kids in our home. We are able to provide them stability. This is their home. They are loved, no matter their trauma, challenges or past issues. A lot of them came to us with a lot of history and baggage. Some find it hard to adjust to a family environment. They are used to being told what to do every minute of the day and even expected to be beaten up if they don’t behave. 

What changes for all the kids is that they know that no matter what they do they are loved and they are not going to be sent away. We are their parents. 

Each child is so different. That’s what I love the most. I try the same things with some of the kids but I realize it doesn’t always work with each one. With each kid I had to work differently. And I’m still learning. With each kid there’s so much to discover.

My experience as a child definitely helps me relate to these children. I just always wanted to offer myself and help because when I was their age there were people who invested in my life and I wanted to give back what was given to me. 

I think my childhood made me stronger in a way. I learned how to fight the system and fight to accomplish things in my life that I wanted to accomplish. I didn’t look to it as a negative experience. It just made me want to fight more. 

Even my time in the States. Facing all the challenges as a foreigner. Learning the culture and about the people. It always motivated me to work harder. It all made me who I am today. 

It’s such a blessing and honour to have these children in our lives. It’s such a joy to give back what I received. 

Many times we think that we help them, but really they help us too.